Moments I remember
by Sylla Shadowfrost
Summary: Trade story for Saya Moonshadow. Does he really hate us? Do we really mean nothing to him? She asked finally.VakamaNokama


**Well, here it is my story trade for Saya. God though I am pissed at my computer. I had like three pages (Which is fairly good for my in one day when I'm idling on the net) I saved and then the computer erased it. NOT happy right now. Please people, for the love of all things good (Or evil, if you like evil) REVIEW. I'm kinda sore on this story, so some appreciation for it would be nice for once. **

**DIsclaimer: Look, I don't own bionicle 'K? If I did, I would make it a whole lot better than it currently is**

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My Heart Will Go On (Love Theme from 'Titanic')

_**Every night in my dreams**_

_**I see you. I feel you.**_

**_That is how I know you go on_.**

Nokama, Toa Metru of Water stood gazing out to the sea, watching the water passed by below them slowly. It had been three hours since they had left Metru Nui behind, and even though the once grand city was still in sight, she already missed the falls of Ga Metru, the Great Furnaces of Ta-Metru, the Knowledge towers in Ko- Metru, everything. The sights were fresh in her mind but were fading quickly, like water slipping through your cupped hands. She needed to move on with life, there were so many things that happened there that were defiantly better left in the past. There were places that would hold to many bitter memories, too many dark times. And yet, she felt that she was loosing a piece of herself now that she was leaving.

It was her home, the place where she had grown up, were she had lived her whole life and now, she was leaving it behind for an uninhabited island. She glanced behind at the now fading spires and towers of the city, and a sigh of sadness escaped her.

Being branded a traitor, a coward, failing Lhikan and- Nokama shuddered at the memory- becoming a Hordika. She wouldn't wish that one anyone, what they all went through. Not even Makuta himself. Now, looking back you might wonder how she was able to go through that and still remain sane. If you asked her, she would respond with one word. Six letters, three symbols.

Vakama.

Yes, he was the only reason that she carried on, pushed through the dark times. It seemed odd, he had betrayed them all, and yet he was the only reason she didn't give up and succumb to the beast. Looking back, she smiled slightly at the many memories…..

_**Far across the distance**_

_**And spaces between us**_

_**You have come to show you go on.**_

**Flashback-**

Nokama sighed as she sunk down to the ground. The days now were long and testing on her. Thank god along with the horrible curse came a small gift.

More strength and stamina than a normal toa.

It hadn't been any better that now they were leaderless. They were bickering about almost everything. Norik was the only one who was holding them together, but even then, it was by thin threads that he was.

Vakama had left.

Three weeks, four days and six hours. He had left them, left her for Roodika and the Visorak. It didn't matter how hard she tried, she knew exactly how long he had been gone.

She didn't want to, he had betrayed them, but she still longed for him to come back. She missed him, even if her heart and mind told her that he didn't care, he was nothing but a traitor. She had tried for days to pretend that it didn't bother her beyond shock at the sudden action of their leader. But behind the mask of false cheeriness, sadness and hurt lingered. Now she was mostly just cold and quiet to the toa, hoping that they would leave her alone. It had just the opposite effect. Everyone now was bothering her, not leaving her alone for a minute. So she had escaped the toa and had come here, hoping that they understood the not so subtle clue.

She looked up at the stars, when she heard a calm voice next to her.

"Nokama."

She jumped slightly, the beast in her startled, and her mind scolding her for being so off guard.

"Nuju." She nodded briefly.

"Something bothers you." It was a statement, she realized, not a question.

She groaned inwardly, she really didn't want to deal with this right now. "No, not at all brother." She said, lying and forcing a small smile through clenched teeth.

There was a silence from her brother that signaled that he wasn't pleased with her lying.

"You might as well say something." He pointed out finally, sitting next to her.

Nokama sighed and looked at the ground.

"Do…do we really mean nothing to him? Does he really hate us?" She whispered quietly, _'Do I mean nothing to him…does he hate **me**?' _She thought sadly unwanted tears stinging her orange eyes.

OK, so they had been harsh on him. And so had she. But didn't she apologize after words; didn't she stay with him after the other toa had turned their backs to him? Wasn't she always on his side when he and another toa fought?

_**Near, far, wherever you are**_

_**I believe that the heart does go on**_

_Nuju looked up at the sky, staring at the brightly shining stars before slowly answering her. _

_"Sister… I know you can feel the beast in you…so can I. Vakama's beast is stronger….He is confused and isn't himself now. I know you care deeply for him"_

_ There was a twinkle of amusement at this comment as she blushed slightly. _

_"Sister, he cares for you also, though right now it doesn't seem like it. He told me" He interrupted her before she could say anything. "Just give him time" He said quietly, then stood up and vanished into the dark ruins of the city._

_Nokama sighed and gazed up at the stars, searching for on in particular. She located the six toa stars, a little to the left of her. Then she picked out the one she was searching for. HIS toa star. It shown dimly as if it were dying, and something in her heart twisted painfully._

_She only could hope that he wasn't fading like his star._

**End flashback**

_**Once more you open the door**_

_**And you're here in my heart**_

_**And my heart will go on and on**_

She sighed and gazed at the now setting sun as a rainbow of colors were painted across the sky. That was defiantly one of her worst memories. She had felt so helpless, so lost then. She wanted, in a way to die, but that small glimmer of hope that Vakama would come back, no matter how minuscule the chance, kept her alive. She had been so cold when she had seen him that day in the coliseum; she refused to let him know how much he had hurt her then. It had worked, everyone had been shocked at how calm and cold she had been, how determined she had been. Truth was, it had taken her hours to put that act together. She refused to plead to Vakama, until the very end….

**Flashback**

_Nokama ducked under another spurt of white hot flame, crying out softly as it grazed her shoulder. "Vakama, don't make me do this!" She cried out. "You're my friend, I don't want to fight you!"_

_"Stop calling me that! My name isn't Vakama!" the red Hordika snarled, his green eyes alight with rage. But for a split second, she had sworn she had seen a flicker of the old Vakama, but it disappeared quickly as she struck out with her fin barbs and hit him on the chest. There was a loud snarl as he lifted her and roughly threw her over the edge of the building they were fighting on. She let out a loud scream and by some twist of fate, she grabbed the railing, though it hurt like crazy, her wrist felt like it had been dislocated from the jolt. She cried out again, unwanted tears springing into her eyes._

_She wouldn't cry, not now, not in-front of him. She wouldn't let him see her pain._

_"Vakama…" She whispered sadly, staring up at the raging figure. "What have you become?" She asked him, her fingers slipping slowly. She sniffled slightly, she knew what was going to happen. It was inevitable. "I guess Nuju was wrong." She said, her gold eyes locking with his feral green ones. The ones that use to hold so much kindness._

_"I guess we really don't mean anything to you. If we did… If I meant anything, anything at all… You wouldn't be here, watching me slip and fall to my death." She whispered. She forced a brave smile on her tear- streaked face "I-I just want you to know…Vakama, I never stopped caring about you. Ever."_

_And, with that, she had let go of the railing and plunged downwards, towards the unforgiving ground….._

**End flashback**

**_Love can touch us one time_**

**_And last for a lifetime_**

**_And never let go till we're gone_**

Nokama smiled at that memory. He had been so worried after words, after he had caught her. How he had saved her remained a mystery to her still. She never really asked him, she didn't bother. The only memory of that day she always kept close to her was when he had clung to her like she was the only thing left on this planet….

Flashback.

_The first thing she remembered after waking up was being warm. Odd, she mused, she had never really been warm during her time here. It wasn't freezing, just a little chilly at times, or a moderate temperature that you don't even thing about. It felt nice, she decided._

_But…shouldn't she be dead? Yes, yes she should. She had let go of the railing after practically confessing that she love Vakama to his face. There was no way she could've survived the fall, so she decided unless there was a huge twist of fate, she, Nokama Metru, was dead. Might as well figure out where she was now that she was dead._

_Wait. She felt someone pull her closer, arms tightened around her, her head pressed against a strong chest, she could here a rhythmic heart beat in one ear. _

_"Nokama…" A hoarse voice spoke, somewhere near her other ear._

_ She could feel warm breath on her neck. _

_"Nokama…wake up, please." The voice begged, and again warm breath tickled her neck. _

_"Nokama, please wake up. Don't die on me." The voice was husky with emotion and hoarse from yelling probably._

_ It took her a few seconds to figure out who was speaking, but she recognized the owner of the voice .it was Vakama. See opened her eyes, not quite ready to believe this._

_But sure enough, when she opened her eyes, she found warm green ones staring down at her on a tear streaked mask. The next thing she knew, she was buried in a strong hug, her face pressed against his chest, his head laying on her shoulder as he held on to her like she was the last thing in his life. It hurt, admittedly, but Nokama wasn't complaining. She had gotten him back at last. _

_"Nokama…" She heard him mutter into her shoulder as one of his hands ran down her back. "Thank Mata Nui you're Ok." He spoke, his voice rough with emotion. She didn't reply, but pressed herself against him, not wanting the moment to stop…._

End flashback

_**Love was when I loved you**_

_**One true time I hold to**_

_**In my life we'll always go on**_

Nokama smiled to herself, remembering every second of that time with him. That was a memory that she would never forget. He had held her for a long while after, just holding her there, saying that he would never leave again.

She had been so happy. She had lived through all of the pain for that. And honestly, if she had to go through the pain all over again for another moment like that, she would. In a heartbeat. She wouldn't trade that moment with him for anything, not even the City of Legends. She truly loved him, and she now realized it was nothing to be ashamed of.

_**Near, far, wherever you are**_

_**I believe that the heart does go on**_

**Flashback**

_Nokama stood happily staring out into the dark. The were Toa once again. No more beast inside them, no more fights against the Visorak. And, on top of that all, she had Vakama back. How could she not be happy?_

_"Nokama!" A warm voice called out. Nokama turned to see her best friend walking towards her. She grinned at him and hugged him as he approached her. She had been hugging him a lot lately. Not that he minded. He never did. If anything, he enjoyed it. To her surprise, he nuzzled her neck affectionately and hugged her back. "It's good to have you back Vakama." She told him, looking happily up at him. "Good to be back." He responded with a tiny grin of his own. She tried to pull out of the hug, put oddly, Vakama held her tighter, making it clear that he didn't want to let go. She relaxed and let him hold her, snuggling against his chest and closed her eyes._

_**End flashback**_

_**Once more you open the door**_

_**And you're here in my heart**_

_**And my heart will go on and on**_

Some memories, no matter how small would never fade from her mind. Especially the time when he first kissed her….

**Flashback**

_Nokama sat staring out at the stars, watching them in she velvet black sky. They were leaving. Not like it really surprised her, but she had hoped that they wouldn't . She had made it clear that she didn't like the idea, but didn't go out of her way to protest. But she still didn't like the idea. Oddly enough, she was the only one who really wanted to stay. Even Matau hinted that he wanted to leave, though he would never admit that to anyone._

_In a way though, she knew that they should leave. There was no way that they could live in the city now that it was in ruins. But one part of her mind refused to admit that her brothers were right. This place had been all they had known, and she didn't want to leave. She had been angry with Vakama when he told her that they were leaving, and had stormed off. So here she was. She regretted yelling at him, but other wise wasn't sorry at all with her actions. She loved him to death, even if he didn't know it, but some times he got on her nerves so badly._

_**There is some love that will not**_

_**Go away**_

"_Nokama" Vakama's voice called her gently._

_ She heard his footsteps as he approached, but gave no signal that she had heard him. _

_"Nokama…" He voice pleaded to be acknowledged by her. She made a soft noise in her throat, but otherwise did nothing. _

_"Nokama, please listen to me." He begged softly, something in his voice, the sound like he was being left alone, made a knot form in her throat._

_ She heard him take a step forward, then felt his arms gently circle around her waist, pulling her to him. She moved one hand to pry his arms off her but stopped. She could feel his eyes gazing sadly at her, and tears filled up in her eyes. She didn't want to hurt him anymore than she had today. She sighed and then rested her hand on one of his arms, and leaned against him._

_"I'm sorry I can't do the right thing.." He whispered in her ear._

_"No….Vakama, you're right. We do have to leave…" She said finally. "I just don't want to accept that were leaving our home with out a second thought."_

_There was a silence between the two, before Vakama turned her around to face him. She looked up at him, silent._

_"Nokama…I-I.." Vakama stuttered, his mask flushing slightly. She looked up at him, curious to what he had to say that was making him so nervous. He sighed, before finally placing a light kiss on her lips._

_She swore, for a second that her heart had stopped beating. Did he really just ….kiss her? _

_"I really do care about you Nokama. I don't mean to hurt you like this. Like I did when I left for the Visorak." _

_He sighed and let her go. "Nuju told me about how you were when I left." He said before she could ask. "I'm sorry I hurt you so much." He whispered before walking away. Tears poured down her mask, but she was in to much shock to do anything else except watch his retreating form…._

**End flashback**

_**You're here, there's nothing I fear,**_

_**And I know that my heart will go on**_

_**We'll stay forever this way**_

_**You are safe in my heart**_

_**And my heart will go on and on**_

Tears poured down Nokama's eyes as she recalled that bitter sweet moment. And she found herself wishing that she could tell him that he didn't do anything wrong, she was just upset, that she really did love him. And if she could, she would tell him right now. But she couldn't.

You see, Vakama Metru had died two days before they left for their new home.

Nokama stood on the beach of their new home, staring at the Mask in her hands. She traced it delicately with one hand. She had memorized it's every curve, every dent, everything about it. It had been his mask. More tears poured down her face, but she smiled

"We did it Vakama, we saved the Matorn, we're going to have a new home, just like you said." She whispered to the mask.

"I still…." She cleared her throat then finally sighed and spoke, tears flowing freely down her face

"I still love you."

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**Oh MY GOD I'm finally done with that. It's OK, I guess. But this took me forever to make. This story is so longggg… anywho, hope you liked it.**

**REVIEW FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!**

**Shadowed ice**


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